Purim

is today. I've heard every word of the megillah, Megillat Esther, once. I've even told my version of the Vashti part of the story to a bunch of strangers. And was told that it somehow differed from a Sunday School version. Quelle surprise!

Vashti is my hero.

A version of Vashti's story, told by me. She is the wife of King Ahasuerus' (Xerxes, 486-465 BCE) of Persia, who celebrates for seven days with his guy pals, members of his court. Much gluttony and drinking occur. Vashti made a decent feast for the women of the court, who where usually ignored. The king summoned her to show her off wearing her crown. We don't have much reason to believe she was supposed to be wearing much else.

Vashti refused strip and dance for his friends. In fact she wouldn't come when called, like the king wanted her to. The king is mightily pissed. And, the worst part is the example she sets, that she might turn into a role model. Women everywhere might disobey their husbands. *gasp* "... Vashti the queen has not done wrong to the king only, but also to all the princes, and to all the peoples who are in all the provinces of the king Ahasuerus. For this deed of the queeen will be made known to all the women so as to make their husbands contemptible in their eyes, when it shall be reported that the king Ahasuerus commanded Vashti the queen to be brought in before him, but she came not. And the princesses .... shall be telling of it today to all the king's princes. Thus shall there be contempt and wrath in plenty."

She, of course, is toast. So the king banished her.

Oh.

I digress.

So I have this friend, a gentile type person. A tall blond person -- make that woman -- of northern European ancestry. And she needs Mishlo'ach Manot, a sort of goody offering that one sends to friends on Purim. It could consist of a few cookies and a bit of grape juice, or it could be most anything. It should contain two food groups though. That's Jewish food groups of course. And as a practical matter it really means foods that would get different blessings. Like bread and wine.

Now this is not as simple as it seems. She lives 2500 miles away. But !!! I finally figured it out. But I can't tell you because she just might trip over this. If I remember, though, I'll finish this tale later.

Disappointed? Hrm, I'm sorry. Well I'll go post a little Lenny Bruce to soothe you.