This Place Is Fading

I am posting in too many locations. This one is obviously neglected. Poor blog.
Best to find me elsewhere. Most of you know where.

Seems About Right

What Classic Movie Are You?
personality tests by similarminds.com

L'shanah tovah

For a good year.

Tomorrow I'll go do tashlich. I go to a body of running water, which much easier in my neighborhood than it is in, say, Arizona. I walk maybe a quarter of a mile to get to a sizeable creek and cast the crumbs from my pockets into the water, as if casting away my sins. I love doing this.

Virtual Grief is Quite Real

Ani mishtatephet b’tsorechim means I participate in your sorrow in Hebrew. It is my way.

If you don't know, she is grieving for her husband who died Monday of cancer. He was 34 and left a loving wife and young son. This is why. It is a terrible story. It is a political story.

If you wish to help, academic coach will forward a card, letter, or other tangible message. And she continues to collect badly needed money to help the not very well off family. Just so you know.

Without comment

because I am laughing too hard.

Hello, hello

I didn't mean to abandon you. I've just been swamped with other things. I have too many interests.

I am such a good researcher in part because I am so horrible at details. So I have to keep learning things over and over until they stick. Case in point: Jokes. I almost never remember a joke. I'm usually a great audience because I forget that I've already heard it. And when I hear a good joke, I pass it along as quickly as possible because I know I'll forget it. The other problem here is that I have no practice at telling jokes, so I do it badly. That said ...

A blonde, think Wheezy, is driving down the road at high speed. She is pulled over by a blonde police officer who walks to the car and says "Do you know how fast you were going?"

"No, how fast was I going?" asks the driver.

"You were going nearly 100 miles an hours," says the police officer.

"Oh, that is fast," says the driver.

Shaking her head, the police officer says "Give me your license and registration."

Rustling around in her purse, the driver asks "What does it look like?"

The officer responds "The license is small." She shows her the size with her hands. "It has your picture on it."

The driver comes across a small rectangular make-up mirror, looks in it, then hands it to the officer saying "Is this it?"

The officer takes it, looks into it, and returns it, responding "Oh, I didn't know you were a police officer. I'm sorry to have bothered you."

The Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest Results

are in. First prize !!

" As he stared at her ample bosom, he daydreamed of the dual Stromberg carburetors in his vintage Triumph Spitfire, highly functional yet pleasingly formed, perched prominently on top of the intake manifold, aching for experienced hands, the small knurled caps of the oil dampeners begging to be inspected and adjusted as described in chapter seven of the shop manual."

Dan McKay
Fargo, ND

Go read more. They're a hoot.

He Made Me Do It!!

Dweeze, that is.

the Cutting Edge (52% dark, 43% spontaneous, 16% vulgar)

your humor style: CLEAN | SPONTANEOUS | DARK Your humor's mostly innocent and off-the-cuff, but somehow there's something slightly menacing about you. Part of your humor is making people a little uncomfortable, even if the things you say aren't in and of themselves confrontational. You probably have a very dry delivery, or are seriously over-the-top. Your type is the most likely to appreciate a good insult and/or broken bone and/or very very fat person dancing. PEOPLE LIKE YOU: David Letterman - John Belushi

Link: The 3 Variable Funny Test written by jason_bateman

Cooking Tip

It is a rare food that can't be improved with a little chipotle in adobo.

It's Harry Potter Day !!!

Last time I received my copy in a special "all Harry Potter" delivery at about 10AM. But I've moved since then. *drumming my fingers on the nearby tabletop*

Let me know when you get yours.

My Personal Independence Day

Four years ago today I quit smoking. I had been smoking since I was 13 years old, longer if you consider the fact that my mother smoked throughout her pregnancy with me and throughout my childhood.

It was the single most difficult thing I ever did. I think this is because it require(s) constant vigilance, no slip ups, not even a puff. For me there are absolutely no cigarettes or all the cigarettes in the world. I can't do this a little bit. It took me three years to be convinced that I had actually mastered it, that I was going to stay quit. That was last year.

This year, for one day only, I'm patting myself on the back. Yay me!

An Alternative Theory of Intelligent Design

We sometimes deal with religion here at Collecting Shards, so I thought I'd bring you an alternative theory of Intelligent Design that I was previously unaware of. Bobby Henderson has written to the Kansas School Board asking that it be taught alongside their other alternatives.

Basically it proposes that a Flying Spaghetti Monster created the universe. Here is Bobby's sketch:


He provides an additional theory about how global warming, earthquakes, hurricanes, and other natural disasters are a direct effect of the shrinking numbers of Pirates since the 1800s and includes a demonstrative graph. It's worth a look.

Shabbat is about to begin

It's time for a little wisdom. This is from the Buddhist section at BeliefNet.

Walking the spiritual path is a very subtle process; it is not something to jump into naively. There are numerous sidetracks which lead to a distorted, ego-centered version of spirituality; we can deceive ourselves into thinking we are developing spiritually when instead we are strengthening our egocentricity through spiritual techniques.

-Chogyam Trungpa, "Cutting Through Spiritual Materialism"

Commuting

has gotten much too interesting. Yesterday I drove home behind a Bentley. And I spent most of the time wondering how it is possible to make a Bentley so boring. It was seriously beige with nondescript everything, including the driver. Now I'm all for understatement, but this was ridiculous.

Then this morning I get stuck behind a bus. Would you believe that on an eight lane highway there is enough traffic at six AM to get stuck? Well I did. And then the bus caught on fire.

That's quite enough excitement for one 24 hour period thank you very much.

It's Going To Be

another hot and humid day. This is where I wish I were today. It's only 45 minutes away from me. Tantalizing. If only I had picked rich parents ...