The Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest Results

are in. First prize !!

" As he stared at her ample bosom, he daydreamed of the dual Stromberg carburetors in his vintage Triumph Spitfire, highly functional yet pleasingly formed, perched prominently on top of the intake manifold, aching for experienced hands, the small knurled caps of the oil dampeners begging to be inspected and adjusted as described in chapter seven of the shop manual."

Dan McKay
Fargo, ND

Go read more. They're a hoot.

He Made Me Do It!!

Dweeze, that is.

the Cutting Edge (52% dark, 43% spontaneous, 16% vulgar)

your humor style: CLEAN | SPONTANEOUS | DARK Your humor's mostly innocent and off-the-cuff, but somehow there's something slightly menacing about you. Part of your humor is making people a little uncomfortable, even if the things you say aren't in and of themselves confrontational. You probably have a very dry delivery, or are seriously over-the-top. Your type is the most likely to appreciate a good insult and/or broken bone and/or very very fat person dancing. PEOPLE LIKE YOU: David Letterman - John Belushi

Link: The 3 Variable Funny Test written by jason_bateman

Cooking Tip

It is a rare food that can't be improved with a little chipotle in adobo.

It's Harry Potter Day !!!

Last time I received my copy in a special "all Harry Potter" delivery at about 10AM. But I've moved since then. *drumming my fingers on the nearby tabletop*

Let me know when you get yours.

My Personal Independence Day

Four years ago today I quit smoking. I had been smoking since I was 13 years old, longer if you consider the fact that my mother smoked throughout her pregnancy with me and throughout my childhood.

It was the single most difficult thing I ever did. I think this is because it require(s) constant vigilance, no slip ups, not even a puff. For me there are absolutely no cigarettes or all the cigarettes in the world. I can't do this a little bit. It took me three years to be convinced that I had actually mastered it, that I was going to stay quit. That was last year.

This year, for one day only, I'm patting myself on the back. Yay me!

An Alternative Theory of Intelligent Design

We sometimes deal with religion here at Collecting Shards, so I thought I'd bring you an alternative theory of Intelligent Design that I was previously unaware of. Bobby Henderson has written to the Kansas School Board asking that it be taught alongside their other alternatives.

Basically it proposes that a Flying Spaghetti Monster created the universe. Here is Bobby's sketch:


He provides an additional theory about how global warming, earthquakes, hurricanes, and other natural disasters are a direct effect of the shrinking numbers of Pirates since the 1800s and includes a demonstrative graph. It's worth a look.

Shabbat is about to begin

It's time for a little wisdom. This is from the Buddhist section at BeliefNet.

Walking the spiritual path is a very subtle process; it is not something to jump into naively. There are numerous sidetracks which lead to a distorted, ego-centered version of spirituality; we can deceive ourselves into thinking we are developing spiritually when instead we are strengthening our egocentricity through spiritual techniques.

-Chogyam Trungpa, "Cutting Through Spiritual Materialism"